These are some of my favorite kid quotes from my family, friends, and students.
Spring 2006: “Momma, you’re getting more loving from me,” Pumpkin at age 4, in response to his second helping of my lasagna.
Fall 2006: As my second grade class was discussing heritage one of my students raised her hand to share her heritage. “You know those tiny green people?” she asked. “You mean leprechauns?” I responded. “Uh-huh! I’m one of those!” she exclaimed. I thought maybe she was confused about her Irish heritage, it turns out she was Lithuanian.
Spring 2007: I said to my 5-year-old Pumpkin, “We’re going to get to see Aunt Brandi this summer!” Pumpkin replies, “The one that lives in the computer?” I laughed and said, “Yes, the one who lives in the computer.” She actually lives in Scotland and we use iChat to voice with one another.
Spring 2008: Wisdom of a 7th grader, “Never admit it’s your arm pits that smell like onions.”
Me: What book would you use to look up a synonym for the word “fierce?”
Student: A tyrannosaurus?
Me: Do you mean thesaurus?
Student: No, I mean a dictionary!
Me: Oh boy, we need to start back at the beginning…
Student (to Hubster): Mr. D, your wife is cute!
Hubster: It’s okay you said that the first three times, but don’t let me hear you say that again. It’s not appropriate to talk about your teachers in that manner.
Student: I can’t help it, she IS!
Hubster: I know, that’s one of the reasons I married her.
♥ The joys of teaching at the same school!
Winter 2010: 5th grade boy, “Do we have to use real numbers and letters on our math homework? Because I made up my own dragon language last night and did my homework in that!”
Winter 2010: I had a fifth grade student recite his paragraph while practicing his “accent” today. I had to have him repeat his paragraph without his accent so we could focus on the content and not the speaking. I asked him what type of accent he was using, he replied, “My accent!” He continued speaking in this accent all day, which sounded more like a Kling-On Pirate than anything I’ve ever hear.
Spring 2010: Two days before St. Patrick’s day, a student was wearing a green shirt with Ireland written across a shamrock.
Me: Why are you wearing that shirt today? You should save it for Wednesday.
Student: Why, what’s Wednesday? (I take her over to the calendar and point out Wednesday, St. Patrick’s Day.) So? My shirts says ‘IRELAND!’ That had NOTHING to do with St. Patrick’s Day!
Spring 2010: 5th grade student, “Mrs. D, I’m going to be a pallbearer in my cousin’s wedding!”
Spring 2010: Random 5th grade story, “Once, I was in Alaska and got my hands stuck under a treadmill.” That was it, no other clarifications or details.
Summer 2010: Jokes by my 11 y.o. nephew!
Nephew: Why did the pig cross the road?
Nephew: …To get his pork chops!
Pumpkin: I don’t get it!
Nephew: Why did the monkey on a unicycle stop riding?
Pumpkin: I don’t know.
Nephew: C’mon this is an easy one, guess!
Pumpkin: I still don’t know.
Nephew: To get a banana!
Student: Mrs. D, Who attacked us on 9/11? The Japanese?
Me: No, that was at Pearl Harbor.
Student: (looked at me with the most confused look) The Twin Towers are at Pearl Harbor?
Winter 2011: 5th grade girl asks, “Mrs. D, if I eat my finger nails and the little pieces of skin next to my nails, am I a cannibal?”
Winter 2011: After reading and discussing an informational piece on the phases of water, I gave my students this writing prompt: How can different forms of water be used?
5th grade girl’s response, “You can build a small igloo to cook on the stove for a nice cool drink.”
Fall 2012: In class we were reading & discussing a story about a grandmother who always had a grim expression on her face, and so the children were afraid of her. The story then states that she’s a widow…
Me: Does anyone know what a widow is? (7 hands raise)
Student 1: A spider!
Me: Well, maybe you’re thinking about a black widow, but this woman is not a spider. (6 other hands go down) Does anyone know what a spouse is? (1 hand raises)
Student 2: A husband or a wife.
Me: Good! When a woman’s spouse passes away and she’s still alive, she becomes a widow. When a husband’s spouse passes away first, he becomes a widower. Now, knowing that the grandmother is a widow, why do you think that she always has a grim expression on her face?
Student 1: (with the most serious expression ever) Because she ate her husband!
While discussing the Percy Jackson series with a student, she referred to Tartarus as “tartar sauce.”
Essay question: How do you know General Washington was a good leader?
Student response: General Washington was a good leader because he didn’t sip hot cocoa at camp when his men were off at battle.
Student: Mrs. D, do they have video games in Scotland?
Student: What are they like?
Me: The same ones you have.
Student: Oh, I thought their games would have guys in skirts jumping hurdles.
Student: How was your trip to Scotland, Mrs. D?
Me: Very nice, thank you!
Student: Did you see the Himalayas?
Me: No, I haven’t been to Asia yet.
After reading an article about bee keeping, my students were supposed to describe the process from starting a new hive through the harvesting and selling of honey.
One student’s response: You should give bees honey because that is what they eat to remain beeing alive.
Student 1: Mrs. D! Last night I had a dream that I bought you 3 trips to see your sister!
Me: Wow! What a great dream!
Student 2: Mrs. D, when I win the lottery I’m going to buy you as many trips as you want to see your sister!
Student: Mrs. D, how was Scotland?
Me: It was nice.
Student: You know, I’m Irish.
While marking spelling tests today, I saw that one student wrote “honor” as “honour”. When I asked my class to review their missed words, the student said to me, “Mrs. D, I spelled it that way since you were just in Scotland!”
I think my students have Scottish fever…
Student 1: Mrs. D, do you celebrate Christmas? (And before I could answer…)
Student 2: (sarcastically) No, she just sits at home on her leather couch eating a big tub of icing!
One student bought 4 Chinese finger traps at the Santa Shop and proceeded to try them all at the same time… getting all of his fingers stuck (except for his thumbs). He exclaimed, “Mrs. D, I don’t think this was a good idea!”
Student: Mrs. D, can you believe that Mrs. ____ still believes that Santa is real?
Me: What do you mean? Of course Santa is real!
Student: Then how do you explain it when you see your parents putting presents under the tree?
Me: First of all, don’t your parents buy you presents? Second, I’ve never actually seen my parents put presents under the tree. And last, even though I’m grown, I still find presents from Santa under my tree.
Student: That’s because Mr. D adopted you!
I had a lunch detention with a student. Since he was the only kid that was in trouble and had to make up his homework, we sat at an empty lunch table in the cafeteria and ate our lunches together. After lunch I overheard two boys asking him how he got a lunch date with Mrs. D…
Me: The sky is clear tonight. We can finally see the stars again.
Pumpkin: I see the Big Dipper… and the tiny one. What’s the tiny one called?
Hubster: The Little Dipper.
Instead of writing “notebooks” on the board, the student wrote “noteboobs.” Oops! Then he got really embarrassed when I had him fix his mistake…
Student 1: Mrs. Davis, you rearranged the classroom!
Me: Yes, but only a little.
Student 2: Are you using feng shui?
I’m not even going to post what two awful words one student wrote down while trying to spell “accompanist”…
During class, one student came up to me three times to ask me a question… standing too close. Each time I reminded him about raising his hand from his seat and about personal space. After the third reminder he exclaimed, “I can’t help it! You smell so good today!”
Student: Mrs. D, I think Taylor Lautner should be our school security guard.
Immediately after closing his PSSA (standardized testing) test booklet, one student closed his eyes, folded his hands, and bend his head in prayer…
Student: My biggest pet peeve is when people use inproper grammar.
Student: If fact, me and my sister…
Me: My sister and I.
Student: We were gonna…
Me: Going to.
Student: Mrs. D! Can you let me finish?!
Me: Will you.
Student: (laughs and smacks forehead)
Me: For a student that doesn’t like improper grammar…
Student: I know. BURN!
I wore my sari to school (since a character in one book wears one)… one student said that I looked like a queen, one commented that I looked like a hippie, while another asked if I wore anything underneath it…
A male student had on a t-shirt that read, “I can grow a mustache. What’s your superpower?”
Then a female student came in the room, looked at his shirt, and quietly said, “I can grow boobs.”
Student: Why are you so pretty today?
Me: Did you think I was ugly yesterday?
Student: No, but you’re extra pretty today.
Student: Mrs. D, I didn’t know you were an Eagles cheerleader!
Me: I’m not.
Student: (looks at me with tilted head) Then how did you get your shirt?
Me: I bought it at Wal-Mart.
The day before my surgery, my students surprised me with a plethora of cards signed by all my students. My favorite three comments?
3) Have fun!
2) I told them there’s nothing wrong with you!
1) Good luck with your nose job!
(knock, knock, knock) Mrs. D.
(knock, knock, knock) Mrs. D.
(knock, knock, knock) Mrs. D
Me: Go away, Sheldon!
Student: Mrs. D, will you sing “Soft Kitty” to me?
May 2013: While introducing the new spelling words…
Student 1: Mrs. D, how do you pronounce number 25?
Student 1: May I have the example sentence?
Me: The petite dancer moves gracefully.
Student 1: I still don’t get it.
Student 2: Mrs. D is petite.
Student 1: Oh, I get it! Petite means short, tiny, and beautiful!
Student 1: Mrs. D, do you love your kids?
Student 2: She only has one kid!
Student 1: It’s okay. She knows exactly what I mean. (looks at me and smiles) Don’t you Mrs. D? (I smile back)
Today I started my annual teacher quiz. Question #10: If Mrs. D wasn’t a teacher, she would be_______________.
These are some of the responses…
a famous professional horse-back rider
an animal doctor
a gangnam style dancer
a professional wrestler
our gym teacher’s wife
While eating dinner with Hubster, Pumpkin & our 5y.o…
Nephew: I’m a zombie!
Me: (to Pumpkin) Good thing he’s sleeping in your room tonight!
Pumpkin: I have nothing to worry about Mom. Zombies like brains, and you have the biggest one in this house!
During Open House last night…
1) I had a 18 month old repeatedly run up to me and shake my hand…
2) One student showed off the classroom to their parents, “This is my seat, this is the Smartboard, this is the pencil sharpener, this is the trash can, this is the box of tissues, this is the hand sanitizer…”
3) parent said to me, “My daughter loves coming to school this year! She can’t wait to get here in the morning, and that’s because of you! In fact, she tells about how you wear your hair differently every single day and then she has me try to copy it when she gets home.”
4) Another student (that I don’t have) brought their parent into my room to meet me. After the student explained that they don’t have me as a teacher, the parent looked around the room for a few minutes and then asked me how their child was doing in class.
Student 1: Mrs. D, how old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
Student 1: 20s or 30s.
Me: That’s a 20 year range. Want to narrow down your guess?
Student 2: 17!
Student 3: 64!
Student 1: Mrs. Davis, do you want a foster kid?
Me: Why? Are you offering?
Student 2: Yeah! I want to be your foster kid!
Student 1: Yeah, but you could also have my neighbor. He’s mean.
Yesterday was a bad day. Then my 4 y.o.monster (nephew) ran up and gave me a wish flower. When he asked what I wished for, I told him more hugs from him. Wish granted.
While practicing spelling, my students use their learning style to determine their activity. One of my kinesthetic learners was using his finger to imaginarily write the words onto his arm. He stopped practicing…
Me: Don’t stop, keep practicing your spelling.
Student: (very seriously) I can’t! I’m running out of room!
Me: (after a few laughs) You can always erase what’s on your arm.
Student: Mrs. D, last night I dressed up as a witch.
Me: Were you a good witch or a bad witch?
Student: I’m not sure. I had this headpiece on. It has things that hang down and light up, so I was a glowing testicle witch.
I’m pretty sure she meant tentacle, but I didn’t quite know what to say…
While creating similes and metaphors in class, my students wrote some interesting examples about me.
1) Mrs. D is a surfing gorilla.
2) Mrs. D is as pretty as a supermodel.
3) Mrs. D is like a ninja master.
I’ll add more quote as they happen…
What are some of the crazy kid quotes you’ve heard?