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I meant to post this on Mother’s Day, but never got around to posting.

I was raised in a house full of girls. Our pets were even female.  But somewhere between raising Pumpkin and teaching middle-school, I’ve come to realize the truth about tween boys…

Move Over Matchbox Cars, You've Been Replaced By...

Move Over Matchbox Cars, You’ve Been Replaced By…

1) As soon as they’re taller than you, they’ll remind you 10 times a day. Almost a year later and Pumpkin still tells me constantly! 

2) They smell. Even after they shower (which can be a fight), they smell. Like hoagies. And wet dog. And apple-cider vinegar.

3) Hair. They are really, really, really proud of all the body hair they are starting to grow. They will count their armpit hairs and show them off on a regular basis. If you’re lucky, they won’t smell like hoagies at that particular moment.

4) Boys will always pee outside. Even when you live on a corner lot in a development with neighbors!

5) They eat stinky food moments before their middle-school dances… like leeks, a lot of leeks!!!!

6) They will grow their hair long and shaggy. It won’t look combed even after it’s freshly washed, dried, and combed. And, they think it looks good!

7) They douse themselves in entirely too much cologne. Then they will smell like wet dog/ vinegar/ hoagie/ aftershave and have leek breath!

8) Their feet grow… and grow… and grow! Seriously, are they soaking their feet in Miracle-Gro? Men’s size 11 already?!

9) They like to talk about their testicles. How so-and-so caught a baseball with his crotch… How certain amusement park rides make them tingle… or just laughing at the word balls.

10) They will forget to flush the toilet. This is especially unpleasant to find after they went #2 and then spent the weekend (or week) away…

11) They will still have temper tantrums. BIG ONES! I think their minds just cannot keep up with how quickly their bodies (or feet and armpit hairs) are growing.

12) Especially around each other, they start to act “cool,” “indifferent,” and “tough.” They will showboat. They will brag. They are not modest… i.e.:“Hey, want to see my armpit hair?”

What other truths about tween boys have you discovered?

Young Wifey